Announcement 8/7/2016


In a powerful statement

against a dangerous trend

in American politics, Donald J. Trump

today said that we should have

"no dynasties"

running our country, apparently

referencing the Bush and Clinton families.


Anonymous sources inside

the campaign told CNN's Dana Bash

this statement was crafted

after several days of discussion

with Ivanka, Donald Jr., Eric, and little Barron.


Tiffany Trump Face-Timed in for several minutes

from South Beach Miami to ask why

the Trumps couldn't be the new dynasty

like the Kardashians, and was overruled

by eldest daughter, Ivanka, before her iPhone

apparently was dropped displaying only blue sky—

loud dance music was the only sound.


Melania and Ivana both were responsible

for more moderate statements than the

candidate preferred, which called for,

we are told, the arrest of George W. Bush

for Crimes Against the Billionaire Class, this

in an apparently confused attempt

to reach out to Sanders voters.


A Northeast Louisiana source said Duck Dynasty

members of the Robertson family were asked

to change their name while campaigning.

From now on they will be known

as The Partridge Family at political events.


Tiffany Trump's mother, Marla Maples,

is still missing.